When we're wounded

This summer, I am blessed to be a part of WinShape Camps. Every week we will be in a different state to set up camp and show the love to the people in that area. We just wrapped up staff training week and we are now on the road to Augusta, Georgia to set up for our first camp.

During staff training week, we attended many seminars and heard many messages. There was one particular message that hit me hard because it is something that I still struggle with. I really feel it on my heart to share that message with you.

We all have been hurt at some point. We all feel pain. We have all had our hearts broken. When we think about our past pain, we all have those certain people people who come to mind. At least I know I do. We have those people who make us say "I am this way because of you."

When you are hurt, it creates a wound. Sometimes it creates a deep wound. We cover it up like it's nothing, but underneath we are falling apart. But wounds can spread if they are not tended to. If they don't heal. Eventually, that wound moves to the heart. It becomes bitterness. "How could you do that to me?" are the thoughts that go through our heads. "Do you know how bad you hurt me?" "Do you even care?" "Do you not see how broken I am?" We become very sad and broken.

Bitterness leads to anger which, in time, will lead to hate. Once you get to a level of hate, it is so hard to come back from that. There are so many people who have hate inside of them. Some people have held on to it for a long time. There are even some cases where they hate someone, and you ask them why, and they do not even know. They just know that they do.

I don't want to be that person. I have never thought of myself as a bitter person and I have never thought of myself as someone who holds onto things. But, there are things in my life that hurt. Things I cry about when I think about it. Things that make me so angry that I just want to scream. There are people who have hurt me and it still stings when I'm around them.

However, life is about choices. We have the choice to either be bitter, and eventually harbor hate in our hearts, or we have the choice to let go and forgive.

Letting go is a lot easier said then done. Trust me I know. There are things I have not dealt with, that need to be. Someday, I know that I will be able to.

Remember yesterday, but live for today.

I was sitting in a Chinese restaurant with some family on Clearwater Beach. As we finished up, they brought our checks out, along with the fortune cookies. I do not like to eat the cookies though, just open them. I have opened quite a few, and usually they say something silly or something that doesn't even make sense. But this particular fortune, said words that I needed to hear. "Remember Yesterday, But Live For Today" are the words I read. It was kinda crazy, because these were words that I desperately needed at this point in my life.

It has always been hard for me to let go, and I guarantee I am not the only one who struggles with this. When someone hurts me, I remember it. When something hard happens in my life, I remember it. I remember how I felt in that moment. And that's ok. You should remember the past. But the past is nothing but a memory. Something to be remembered, not something to live in.

I have no problem forgiving people. There is only one person I struggle forgiving, myself. I always think about the mistakes I have made. The wrongs I have done. The choices I have made. When I think about these things, it is easy to beat myself up, and tear myself down. The past, however, cannot be changed. What's done is done. All you can do is move on and try again tomorrow.

You should remember your past, because you can learn from it. Your past can help you make decisions for your future. Life teaches many lessons. Just because you make one mistake, doesn't mean that should control you. Everyone messes up and we all have regrets. Once we realize that the past is just the past, we can truly live.

So remember yesterday. Remember your struggles. Remember your pain. Remember the happiness you felt. Your past will always be a part of you, but never let it define you. You can be whoever you want to be, no matter when you have done.

Live for today. There are so many opportunities waiting for you. Take them. Don't just live your life, enjoy it. Make the most of today. Everyday is a fresh start.

So, remember yesterday, but live for today. Don't let your past define who you are. Be who you want to be.

An open letter to the strongest person I know

To the Strongest Person I Know,

As I write this letter I don't know where to start. There are so many things I want to say that I don't know if I can convey through writing, but I sure am going to try.

I've grown up watching you. I've watched your actions. I've watched you show love to us even when we might not deserve it. I've watched you work multiple jobs to be able to take care of our family. I've watched you work day and night. I've watched people hurt you. I've watched you cry, yet you never gave up. I've watched you put us first. But most of all, I've watched you do it all alone.

Life has given us many obstacles, but you have embraced all of them and handled everything in the best way you possibly could. It's easy to want to stop fighting, but you never have and never will. I know that it gets hard for you. I know that sometimes giving up might be the easier option, but giving up was never an option for you.

I know that you are always on my team. If someone messes with your kids, you will say something, even when we beg you not to. You would give anything up for our happiness. You are the most selfless person I know. I remember one time I asked you why you do all of this for us. Your response was simply, "You guys are my kids, I'd do anything for you." What did I do to deserve a mother like that? Everything you have ever done has been about us, and I admire that. I admire you.

We have watched so many people come into our lives and walk away. Every time it happens, it does not get any easier. But, I think this has taught us to rely on each other. I know at times it may not feel like it, but you are an amazing mother. I know being a single mom has been tough, but you are doing the best you can do. And in my opinion, I think you have done a pretty great job. I can't imagine doing what you do on a daily basis.

I know that I would not be the person I am today if I did not have a role model like you in my life. Because of you, I have morals, values and faith. You have shaped me into the person I am.

So thank you. Thank you for working so hard. Thank you for seeing the best in people. Thank you for always listening to me. Thank you for not making snap judgements. Thank you for being present in our lives. Thank you for never giving up. Thank you for fighting for us. Thank you for being my mom.

You are the strongest person that I know. I may not have grown up exposed to the perfect relationship between parents, but you have taught me what it truly means to be a mother. In my opinion, that's the best thing a parent can give their children.

I know I don't tell you enough how much I appreciate and love you. But, know that I do appreciate and love you, so much.

With Much Love,

Your Very Imperfect Daughter

When taking a photo becomes more than just pressing a button

In March of 2012, I boarded the plane to Costa Rica not knowing what to expect. I had never been outside the U.S. before. When I arrived in Costa Rica I had a bit of a culture shock at first. I had seen poverty in the U.S, but I had never seen it like this. I was so excited when I stepped off that plane, because I could not wait to see the impact our team was going to make in the lives of these people.

One of the projects our team did when we were down there was a photography project. We raised money and brought tons of empty black frames with us. We were going to photograph all the children, go into the city and get the photos printed and framed for them. Our group leader assigned me and a few others to head up this project because she knew we loved photography.

We spent the day taking pictures of children in a very poverty stricken area. When my group arrived to start the project, the children had cleaned up the best they could for their special picture day and they were wearing their best outfits. One after another we took photos of all the kids. You could see joy come across their faces every time the camera took a photo. They kept changing their clothes and asking me to take more pictures. After every picture they wanted to look at themselves on the preview. After printing and framing the the photos, we brought them to the kids to be delivered. When we arrived, the kids ran immediately to our bus. The kids hurried to grab their pictures as we put them on the table. They had the biggest smiles on their faces as they looked at themselves and showed their families and friends.

At that moment I realized how much just one picture meant to them. I have pictures of myself all over my house. I can pull out my camera right now and take one and upload it to the computer. I can go to a mirror and look at myself anytime throughout the day. 

I would say the average American looks at themselves at least ten times a day, probably more. When I was talking to my friend she herself had 102 selfies on her phone. What if you could only look at yourself one time a day? Or a week? It's crazy to think that some people live their lives like this.

We are so lucky with what we have here that we take everything for granted. We don’t even think about that being able to look at ourselves is a huge luxury. To the kids in Costa Rica, my photos of them was way more then pointing a camera and snapping a photo. It was letting them be able to look at themselves every day through that photo. This photo allowed them to be able to see themselves as the beautiful children that they are. This was the moment when I truly fell in love with photography. I want my photography to reflect the beauty of the world, and the people who inhabit it. I want to use photography to make a difference.